Oh, the tangled webs we weave!

 Sitting here and trying to figure out how to write this, it seems that my family and people close to me, have kept a secret for almost 70 years from me. Today on my Aunt Louise's birthday I got confirmation from the closest person through my life ,Dee, that I am in fact not a Rozelle . For many years I have always felt like something, some secret was being kept from me, certain things in my life ,just did not add up, the timing was all wrong. I grew up without a father, but at least I thought I did belong to this invisible man, that my heritage was rooted at least somewhere to someone. I think what hurts the most is knowing that my sisters Joyce and Fay, my Aunt Louise all knew the truth, and my sweet Dee, but she was sworn to secrecy. I asked through my life these people straight out about who my father was, and they lied to me, these people that I loved and trusted and thought they would never hurt me, have indeed hurt me. Please don't get me wrong, I know they thought they were protecting me after all it was the 50's and the shame that women were put through for the least little thing was terrible ,not to mention being pregnant out of wed lock, "OH MY GOD!"    Maybe my mom thought later on that telling me could somehow ever make me think less of her,that would never have happened, but she didn't know that.

After a good talk with my sister Sandie( she has a great way of looking at things) made me feel better because she is right, this doesn't change who I am, I never had a father so its not like I am missing out on anything. The only change is I only know half my heritage do know that I'm Italian and not Canadian French, thanks Ancestery.com for that little piece of the puzzle. It has been a real eye-opening experience this month, with finding my niece Joy, or Mary (her daughter) finding me on Ancestry, and now confirmation that I indeed am not a Rozelle. So what do I do? Do I try and find who I am? Do as my sister put it " let sleeping dogs lie?" That my friends in itself is the question. I NEED AN ADVIL!

Secrets!

I am sitting here trying to figure out this thing in my head about the secrets that my sisters kept. I realize back in their time that things were very different then when I was growing up, after all my sisters are 20,18 and 10 years older than I am and yes, the generation gaps really do exist.

For those of you that do read my blog, thank you first of all, I hope you enjoy my postings, of all kinds.

I finally got to meet the Secret in our family, my niece Joy Lynn, the odd thing is that I knew the minute I saw her, there was this ease of just knowing that she was one of us, our blood line, our Tribe, not just her in her facial features ,but her heart, the way she laughed and the way she cries so easily, DEFINITELY a Rozelle trait.

For whatever reason my sister Fay decided to give her away back in 1955, we will really never know. My sister Sandie feels back then it was such a terrible thing to be pregnant and not married and our sister Joyce who also had a hand in this, not sure why they decided this, but those two, Joyce and Fay were always together, I am glad they had each other, during this time, it must of been the hardest decision Fay had to make as she loved her children with all her heart. As I sit here trying to figure all this out, the whys and how comes, maybe I'm not supposed to figure it out, maybe just maybe it's a "just is."

We finally got to meet in Jacksonville NC, which is very close to where my daughter Dawn lives, so she got to meet her also. I truly am so very blessed that she found us, well her daughter Mary did, on Ancestry .com .I was a bit hesitant that this wasn't some crazy just trying to get information, and I was hesitating at first, but then Mary said something in one of her text to me that was my "OH Crap ," moment, it just maybe and I realized, I need to know more. before I said anything to my niece Cheryl or anyone really, but mostly Cheryl because it would mean she has another sister, (with the same name as her sister that died a few years ago) that in itself is still a mystery, but I think Fay wanted to honor this Joy with naming her second daughter the same name and Raymond too now has a sister, and I am very protected of Cheryl, so I wasn't going to say anything until I was sure it was real.  It took me a few months to say anything. As we looked into it more and more, I really came to the realization that indeed this was our truth.

I cannot tell you how happy and blessed I am with my nieces, great nieces and nephews, it is like all of them, in some ways have just always been part of us, My niece Cherylynn has a sister, and nieces and nephews, Raymond has also, but he hasn't met them yet, but he will. In the meantime, my heart is full, I have always been so incredibly proud of all my nieces and nephews, great and even great greats, so to add these incredible people to my list is an honor. I cannot wait for the rest of this family to meet them all.

I want to thank my sweet Cheri and Tom for making this all happen, they both are such incredibly kind and giving, not just to me, but to everyone. So as life goes on, I have two weddings to attend of my great nephews, which means I get two more beautiful, incredible, women as Great nieces Bianca and Julianne soon. My world is full of family and best friends, and all is good with my heart.

criticizing is not up to you!

This post is about minding your own business. When people like myself use the internet basically to let everyone of my peeps know what is going on in my world, if you don't want to follow me or block me or whatever, then damn it do it, I get tired of hearing I put to much out there or not everyone wants to know what I am doing 24/7...well this may surprise the crap out of all of you, but I don't give a flying fig what you think, I have never or ever will be one of those people who cowards down to bullies who think I have asked for their opinion,.......NOPE ......I do not post for you ,I post for me and some day when I am gone from this wonderful earth, my posts will be for the people I love and that loved me not for    people who are on my site  to criticize me, SO GET THE FK off my page and go do your own thing on your pages, but do not tell me what I can or should or any other suggestion on what to do with my blog or FB page its non of your BEEES ness. And for the ones who stick by me and clap when I do stupid things to say something out of text ,or my spelling and vocab sucks,YOU,ALL OF YOU<you are all my people.

Thank you, that is all................... Good night!🙈🙉🙊

 It is now June and May was a very busy month but not as busy as this month will be, going to finally meet my niece Joy who we never knew existed. Her daughter and family, this is really such a mind blower, one of us knew she existed, just from posting on ancestry, did we find out that My sister Fay had a child she gave away, just blows your mind, secrets can be so mind blowing. Anyway, we are going to go meet these wonderful additions to our family tree this month, I am excited.

May brought me some luck at Rivers when I won 10,980.000, mind blowing, not what I came home with, they took 3,700 out for taxes but still in all was a very good day. On the other hand, I won at Racino and was in a hurry to get out to my waiting husband and never took the 120 out of the machine, by the time I went back it was gone, sigh! This memory thing as we get older really sucks at times. I blame myself but all in all I still came out a head so happy about that. My new /old BFF Debbie and I love to play and have a lot of fun there, our husbands have gotten to know each other and so we get to do dinners and go places as couples which is nice. My BFF Colleen is up from Florida for the summer, and we get together for lunch this weekend at Queensbury, one of my favorite spots to eat in Glens Falls. I am truly so lucky with my family, so very blessed. Shannon our oldest is off to NC to see her sister Dawn for a week and I am so happy they are together, Hey were so close growing up ,and Lindsay our youngest is off to Oz ,yes she is a Wizard of Oz obsessive person, she loves Chittenango, NY, in case for anyone reading this ,it is where Frank Baum(author of wizard of Oz) wrote it and the yellow brick road that was written into the book town is still there. As for me ,I am doing lunches with friends this month some I have not seen in years, and some I see a lot but still love being with them.

Here is a great dish to prepare anytime, yes its soup but its good winter, spring summer or fall, so enjoy, Get out and do the things you love to do, see the people you love to do things with ,enjoy life we all know how short it is and retirement is really the last leg of life and to be fully enjoyed. Her is wishing all of you who read my blog the best summer ever! Karen

Yes, it's Greens & Beans tonight.

Recipe: Easy version of an Italian Favorite.

You will need: a Stick of Pepperoni, Garlic, a can of Cannellini Beans, a carton of Chicken Broth, a bunch of Escarole.

Boil Pepperoni for about 10 minutes. Drain, but save 1 cup Pepperoni Water. Let cool and then cut into slices, then in quarters. Chop garlic....as much or as little as you like...then sauté in olive oil till tender.

Add Pepperoni, Garlic, Chicken Broth and Beans to soup pot............you can drain the beans if you like. I don't because I like their taste in the soup. Simmer for 10 minutes to infuse flavors. Taste and add seasoning if you wish.

Rough chop Washed Escarole and add to pot,. Simmer until wilted..only a few minutes. And it's done.

I always have some freshly grated Parmesan Cheese to top it off when serving. Enjoy!